“All forms of self-defeating behavior are unseen and unconscious, which is why their existence is denied.”—Vernon Howard
Self-Defeating Behaviors
Why do we defeat ourselves? Self-defeating behavior occurs when we fail to learn the lessons that life tries to teach us. It represents a victory of impulse over awareness, immediate gratification over lasting satisfaction, and relief over resolution. Most of you don’t know this, but self-defeating behavior is a coping mechanism—a delusional attempt to make ourselves feel better. Think about it, what do we do when faced with crisis, threat or a potentially upsetting situation? We try to protect ourselves! Right? We grasp for things that reduce tension or keep us from getting hurt.
In regard to self-defeating behaviors, the action itself seems logical and expedient at the time, and it might actually succeed in bringing about short-term relief. But self-defeating behaviors invariably come back to haunt us and then we curse ourselves for being stupid, foolish or weak. Does that ring a bell? Some of you are reading this and saying out loud, “YES! That’s it. How the hell do I stop doing that?”