“All forms of self-defeating behavior are unseen and unconscious, which is why their existence is denied.”—Vernon Howard
Self-Defeating Behaviors
Why do we defeat ourselves? Self-defeating behavior occurs when we fail to learn the lessons that life tries to teach us. It represents a victory of impulse over awareness, immediate gratification over lasting satisfaction, and relief over resolution. Most of you don’t know this, but self-defeating behavior is a coping mechanism—a delusional attempt to make ourselves feel better. Think about it, what do we do when faced with crisis, threat or a potentially upsetting situation? We try to protect ourselves! Right? We grasp for things that reduce tension or keep us from getting hurt.
In regard to self-defeating behaviors, the action itself seems logical and expedient at the time, and it might actually succeed in bringing about short-term relief. But self-defeating behaviors invariably come back to haunt us and then we curse ourselves for being stupid, foolish or weak. Does that ring a bell? Some of you are reading this and saying out loud, “YES! That’s it. How the hell do I stop doing that?”
My Little Demons
If we seem to understand that, then I ask again, why do we defeat ourselves? Let me share my personal experience with you. My little demons were binge eating (especially when stressed), drinking excessively, and dysfunctional relationships. Little did I know at the time, I was just trying to make myself feel better. I had no idea that self-sabotage was merely a coping mechanism that helped reduce tension.The more anxious, alone, inadequate, or incompetent I felt, the stronger my grip was on the toxic behaviors that brought temporary relief—and because they brought relief, for a short while, I continued to do them over and over and over again. That is until I learned how to stop. It started with admitting to myself that something needed to change and allowing myself to be coached.
Being Coachable
If you are struggling in this area please click on this link to message us so we can support you or navigate you to a solution. I’ll be honest, it is not easy. It takes time, practice and self-discipline; also, it requires you admit that you’ve made mistakes and are ready to make positive changes; finally, it takes a willingness to let someone coach you through the process. Even the greats of our time (not just athletes, but also successful business owners) had and/or currently have coaches. Being coached means having a cheerleader root you on to do a good job, but that’s only part of it. Coaching requires tough love. It requires openly listening to what you’re doing wrong and being willing to use that constructive criticism to make improvements.
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NEED HELP?
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